Saturday, 15 June 2013
How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship.
Conflict gets a bad rap. We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. Some of us avoid conflict like the plague, thinking that if we close our eyes to a potential clash, it doesn't exist.
“Engaging in conflict isn't going to end the relationship, it’s avoiding the conflict [that might],” According to Michael Batshaw.... He said that, “No problem is too small to acknowledge in a relationship.”
But how do you make sure that conflict doesn't ruin your relationship and instead helps it grow? The good news is that “most fighting comes from skill deficits,” According to Susan Heitler.
So you can learn to approach conflict in a constructive and effective way. Below are tips to help you do just that......
Work On Your Listening skills. Communication is key to resolving conflict. The bedrock of good communication? Fully listening to your partner without building a case in your head of how your partner is wrong...Couples who are stuck in conflict are unable to empathize with their partner.
Participate In Shared Problem Solving. Consider the concerns behind your perspective. Lay out your concerns, so you can then brainstorm solutions together, instead of each partner arguing his or her point.
Address Specific Behaviors. It is better to address specific behaviors rather than personality traits.
Talk When You’re Calm. The atmosphere has to stay emotionally safe enough so that both people can put out each of their ideas/feelings/experience about the conflict and then they can have a respectful conversation about it without attachment to who is right or who is wrong.... Don’t start a conversation “if you feel overwhelmed by emotion because it clouds your thinking and distorts things,” Batshaw said. He added that “You also don’t want to be overly detached.” It’s important to think about what you want to say in a thoughtful way.
Create Boundaries. Have some boundaries about what is acceptable behavior and what isn't, [such as] no cursing, no physical interaction, no yelling or screaming.... Just like on a soccer field, as soon as people go out of bounds, the play stops.
Apologize. An apology can go a long way. We all make mistakes and we need to acknowledge that we had a part in an argument that [gets] out of hand..... You don’t have to say, “I’m sorry I said that,” but it can be as simple as “I’m sorry, we’re fighting.”
Seek Counseling. If you’re stuck on a specific conflict or one of you doesn't want to talk about it, even when pressed, consider seeing a couples therapist. The sooner you get [help], the easier, more cost effective, and the longer you can enjoy a happier relationship together!.
Enjoy your weekend!.