Monday, 15 October 2012

Key Factor In Successful Marriage.

ROMANCE!        What exactly is Romance?
          Romance refers to the actions and feelings of people who are in love, especially behavior which is caring and affectionate.  A romantic person therefore is one who says or does things that make his wife or her husband feel special and loved. Romance involves the expression of an individual’s feelings and emotions.

Romance requires time, activities, effort, and creativity. Romance is a definite way of sustaining the love in a relationship. And when you've chosen to spend the rest of your life on earth with someone, it behooves you to do all you can to enjoy every moment of that life. Romance, therefore, is a way of ensuring that you enjoy your life together as married couples.

However, it has been discovered that many marital relationships are devoid of romance. And if romance is all about expression of love in diverse and creative ways, little wonder that the rate of divorce is on the increase daily. To many people, romance is just the exclusive reserve of dating and courtship. According to a line of thought, “romance is a relationship between two persons who are in love with each other, but who are not married to each other.” So, once married, romance should be relegated to the background. What this simply means is that love is kept out of marriage, because love is romance and romance is love. To do away with romance in the marriage setting is to kick love out of the marriage. And this means that the marriage is dead because the situation in such an instance is a case of “No love, No marriage.”

Keeping the marriage romantic requires the commitment of the partners to the ideals of romance. To achieve this, a revisit of our earlier discourse on love keys for marital bliss becomes relevant. Under the love keys write up, we stated that love keys are different ways of expressing love to one another that bring about the best of romantic marriage anyone can experience. I term them keys, because without them, you are denied access to your spouse’s heart. Remember that with the right key, access to a door is guaranteed, while the door remains permanently inaccessible without it. Couples must realise that for marital harmony and love sustenance in a marriage, they must know what love keys are, understand how they work, and discover which of these keys works for their partners to ensure the fire of their love burns “till  death do them part.”

Everyone Needs Love.
One fact of life that couples need to realise is that everyone needs love. Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. This starts from childhood and follows us into adulthood and marriage. The need to feel loved is the greatest key for marital sustenance. When we feel loved, we become amazingly wonderful in relating with our partner, while without love, we make life naturally unbearable for our partner through harsh words, misbehaviour, unfaithfulness, withdrawal, sexual denial, and criticism among others. Can a marriage survive without romance? The answer is an absolute no, because romance is just creativity in expressing one’s love.

Love keys are ways of making one’s spouse to feel special and loved. These keys are basically five in number, just as Gary Chapman puts it in his book, ‘The Five Love Languages.’ However, for purpose of clarity, I chose to name them as follows:

Key 1: Good words or verbal compliments

Key 2: Undivided attention

Key 3: Physical contact

Key 4: Gifts appreciation

Key 5: Good deeds

All these are all to make one’s partner feel loved and special, which is what romance is all about. I once heard the story of a young man, who went proposing to a lady. The first response he got was that the proposal was not romantic. He got worried and started thinking of a way to convince the lady of his romantic prowess. Thus, next time he was going to see the lady, he bought love cards with different messages of love. The lady responded by telling him that he was becoming a burden. The young man was bewildered and said, “but you said I was not romantic.” The lady laughed and asked in astonishment, “Is this how to be romantic?” I leave the judgement to you as to whether or not his action was a romantic act.

How To Keep Romance Fire Burning In Marriage...

Step 1: Make Time For Each Other.
The most common reason for romance dwindling in a relationship is a simple lack of time spent together as a couple. You need to make time for each other in order to get the ball rolling. Set aside one night a week to make a date. This could be anything from cooking a meal together at home to a night at the theatre, just as long as you both agree to spend time alone together with no distractions.

Step 2: Tell Them You Love Them.
Try to find new and original ways to say “I love you” that will make it more memorable. Leave a little note for your partner somewhere they will see it, like on the fridge or their computer screen.

Paying your partner a compliment is guaranteed to win their heart. Telling them how much you love their smile or how great they look will make them feel lucky to be with you.

Sending your partner a love letter is the height of romance. Hand written letters are rare these days, so, if your partner is the traditional type, they will adore the fact that you took the time and effort to write to them, just to tell them you love them.

Step 3: Show Them You Care.
If you want to treat your partner, surprise them by cooking their favourite meal at home, which you can eat together by candlelight. You could even include foods that can put you both in the mood for romance. Foods you can eat with your hands, such as asparagus, exotic fruits, figs and chocolate work best as you can feed them to each other.

Pick wild flowers for your partner for a simple but effective gift. Your thoughtfulness will be hugely appreciated.

Step 4: Think Bigger.
If little things aren’t your cup of tea, then, by all means, think big. Surprise your loved one with a romantic weekend break somewhere that you cannot be disturbed or buy them that piece of jewellery they’ve had their eye on. You can also plan a romantic picnic together in secluded location, where there will be no distraction.

There is no doubt that romance would be kept intact if these are practiced by every couple......
Go ahead and enjoy your marriage.....

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